Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
