If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
