The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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