i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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