Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize