i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
