Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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