We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
