I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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