you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
