Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
please come you make the beer taste better
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
