I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
