My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
