Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize