i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did I show you my penis last night?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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