with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
