Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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