soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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