I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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