Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
love makes seman taste better
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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