Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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