This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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