...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you made out with another girl for some wings
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
