I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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