is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
