He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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