Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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