Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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