it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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