Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
