i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
