What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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