I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
