Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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