How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
