Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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