paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
