Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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