I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
