Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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