theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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