I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
