i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
