So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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