if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
