Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
