He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
