Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
