How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
