I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
