I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
