well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
