I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
