closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
