ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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