My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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