yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it's like iHOP with fire
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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