I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
