just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
