New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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