Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
