Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
