Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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