Jerry, you need to find god
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
