He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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