I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
