Just fell off a train. Bad.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
