theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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