Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
