based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
