I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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