So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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