I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
