I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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