we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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